Do Yourself a Favour

If you really want to do yourself a favour, and you don't quite know what to do, you can start by listening to a TED talk.

It doesn't matter what the subject matter is or who you are, you are bound to come away from the experience feeling different and I say this, not as a person who uses this resource religiously, but as a shameless knowledge mercenary who dips in sporadically when the fancy takes him.

The premise of TED is simple but marvellously effective: brief, captivating and stimulating talks about "ideas worth spreading", given by "remarkable people". Bravo. It's like college without the tedium - very rarely will you find a protracted hour or two-hour long lecture about a topic you deem to be boring.

TED talks will enlighten and inspire you. You will be better off having indulged and who knows, something may ignite a passion spark inside of you and "God knows" (to steal a phrase), we all want to be passionate about something. So, do yourself a favour.

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I recently watched one by Dan Gilbert which can be found by clicking HERE.
More videos are available at www.ted.com

Armenia, the Dark Horses

From UEFA: Keith Fahey's anomaly

With just over a week left before the Republic of Ireland's final games of the European Championships Qualification campaign, one hopes that Trapattoni and his men begin to grasp the importance of taking control of their destiny. At this stage, Ireland have relinquished control of their destiny – one dire performance after another means that automatic qualification ultimately rests on whether Russia drop points in their final games. Nevertheless, the Boys in Green must still win their final two games if they are to retain even a sliver of hope, at least.

Andorra are, rightly, considered to be the minnows of the group. They have lost all eight of their games so far, conceding 17 goals along the way. However, they are not exactly the “whipping boys” they once were and have forged a system of defence which has seen them generally come away from games with a respectable scoreline. They even have the ability to score the odd goal, but it most certainly is odd. In this group, they have scored just one and that was, interestingly, against Ireland. In their last four games, they have conceded 6 goals and it is interesting to note that 50% of those came from Armenia.

Armenia have emerged from obscurity as the dark horses of group B and they present a serious threat to Ireland's chances of qualification. With a remarkable 17 goals scored, they have netted the most goals of group B to date, while they have only conceded seven – just one more than Trapattoni's men. In their last four games, they have scored eight goals, conceding three away to Russia. Ireland, in contrast, have scored just four, conceding only one and each of those goals came against Macedonia. The dichotomy is clear to see, and it is startling. The difference between Ireland and Armenia, is that Armenia can score goals when they need to, a fact which was emphatically showcased as they hammered Slovakia both home and away. Ireland in the same fixtures, slumped to two uninspiring stalemates. In their games against Russia, Armenia managed to draw at home and even took the lead away, before being defeated by three goals to one. Ireland on the other hand were simply diabolical in their displays against Russia – trounced 3-2 in Dublin and managing a miracle 0-0 draw in Moscow.

Trapattoni's men must be spirited and they must perform to the best of their ability, otherwise Trapattoni's system will be embarrassingly exposed once more. Indeed, Armenia's recent form makes Ireland's 1-0 away win in Yerevan last September seem like an anomaly and it might well prove to be.

*This article is due to appear on Back Page Football on 05/10/11

Wise Up, Gerry

Gerry Armstrong

The IFA's Elite Player Mentor, Gerry Armstrong, has issued a robust warning to those who are considering changing from the IFA to the FAI. He is urging them “to look before [they] leap”.

In his recent newspaper column for the Sunday Life, Armstrong has penned his most embarrassing article to date, an article which is characterised by an astonishing level of paranoia and outright ignorance. Indeed, such is the utterly delusional nature of his rambling that one might be forgiven for mistaking it for the blind-rage-fuelled rhetoric of the conspiracy theorists who accuse the FAI of sectarianism and plotting the downfall of the IFA. In fact, I suspect the column may, in fact, be the work of a conniving ghost-writer, but enough of my conspiracy theories.

“I've thought for some time and I still hold the view that the predator that is the FAI is simply taking players for the sake of it and at the same time knowing they are depriving Northern Ireland.”

- Gerry Armstrong.

In describing the FAI as a “predator”, Armstrong's credibility begins to crack, before it crumbles entirely with his erroneous statement that the FAI “may be within their rights because of the Good Friday Agreement”, concluding with his perfect moral compass that “what they are doing is morally wrong”. Two things: not only does the Good Friday Agreement have nothing to do with the scenario and since when did Gerry Armstrong and the IFA have a monopoly on moral judgement (and that's completely disregarding the fact that they too, are in the business of “poaching”)? Someone should remind him that they do not exist in a bubble.

Not content with flaunting his ignorance in those statements, the former international then goes on to expose what is quite an insulting and narrow-minded viewpoint - that national team eligibility should be determined by where one was born, not nationality - and that, my friends, just about sums the mindset up.

For, you see, the simple fact is that the IFA is as self-interested as any other football association. It does not possess the moral high-ground that it so foolishly tries to claim. Its agents have indulged and continue to indulge in the same type of “poaching” it claims to be a victim of and, crucially, it does not own players who are eligible for its teams.

Just read the CAS ruling, Gerry, or at least have a look at Daniel Collins' piece on the matter. Good man.

Citizen, or not?

President McGuinness?

While the decision by Sinn Féin's Martin McGuinness to stand in the presidential election will dominate the headlines (just how much derision will he face about his past?), an important issue will hopefully come to the fore. That is, the position of Irish citizens in the north.

Through the years it feels like we've just about had lip-service paid to the Irish citizens in the north, but generally speaking, citizens in the north were and continue to be viewed as peripheral, sometimes completely irrelevant.

"This is a time of great challenge for all the people of Ireland. We need positive but authentic leadership. It will be a great honour for me to propose Martin McGuinness to contest this election on a broad, republican, citizen-centred platform," 

- Gerry Adams

The "republican, citizen-centred platform" Adams speaks of will almost certainly include the role of Irish citizens in the north along with the diaspora, as it has long been a crucial point raised by Sinn Féin. Conor Murphy recently called for a change in the constitution, claiming Irish citizens are being "disenfranchised" by being excluded from the decision.

Indeed. People in the north can say they're Irish, but they're often viewed as anything but.

Gerry "Mainland" Armstrong

Gerry Armstrong, "Catholic Player Mentor"

Did you ever hear the one about "poaching"?

That's right, the one where elements within the IFA and hordes of Northern Ireland fans propounded the notion that their neighbouring association, the FAI, was involved in nefarious activity around the football pitches of the north. Apparently scouts were sneaking into football grounds draped in their FAI apparel, (hoping not to be seen, mind you) with a notepad in hand, checking off the "Catholic-sounding names" in a bid to fulfil the FAI's cunning plan to "sectarianise" football in Ireland. The 'Child-Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang was even used by some IFA fans to describe their theory.

Let that image sink in.

I wish I could say that I was jesting, but this is exactly the type of paranoid nonsense that emanated from those quarters. Amazingly that delusional school of thought continues to prevail among some sections of the Northern Ireland fan-base. I wonder then, did they feel that overwhelming wave of irony as it washed over them when Gerry Armstrong was appointed as the IFA's new Elite Player Mentor?

Armstrong has been quite vocal in his opposition to footballers from the north playing for the FAI. He has also been quite vocal about what kind of tasks his new post demands. When James McClean announced his intentions to wait for a call up to the FAI, Gerry told us that it was imperative that he and James "have a chat".

It is also rumoured that Armstrong has been approaching players who are currently in the FAI set up, some of whom having just played for the FAI as recently as two weeks ago, about switching to the IFA.

What's that other one about the black kettle?

*Just to clarify, Gerry "Mainland" Armstrong is a nod to Gerry's referral to Britain as "the mainland".

Grizzly Madman

Treadwell and Huguenard

Last night I watched Werner Herzog's documentary film, Grizzly Man. It tells the tale of Timothy Treadwell, full-time lunatic and bear-lover, who spent a remarkable 13 summers living in a tent near Grizzly Bears in Alaska, before meeting his demise at the jaws of a hungry bear. His girlfriend, Amie Huguenard, who was with him, was also savagely killed and eaten.

Throughout the film, I felt the urge to roar at the outright stupidity of Treadwell. Here was a self-proclaimed protector of bears, a "kind warrior" against the injustices of poaching. A man who filmed himself with the disingenuous intention of portraying himself as alone in the wilderness (in fact he had a few human companions), nobly forced into action by the inaction of the government. He was in no way to be considered an expert on bears. The man was simply a delusional fanatic.

One of the men interviewed candidly talked about how Treadwell "got what he deserved", and in a way he's got a point. To view monstrous beasts who are guided by instinct as rational, understanding friends is the height of lunacy.

As Herzog observes, Treadwell was a man who sought meaning in life but ended up pursuing a deathwish. Some might wax lyrical about how he died doing what he loved, but I'm not so sure. There's nothing poetic about getting yourself and your girlfriend eaten by a bear.

All Hail Tom Elliott, Martyr

To paraphrase Alan Partridge,
he looks like an evil headmaster

In recent days, the media has seen fit to give coverage to the fact that the Orange Order may punish two of its high-profile members for attending a Catholic funeral ceremony. Those two members are Ulster Unionist politicians, Danny Kennedy and Tom Elliott.

Interestingly however, Tom Elliott is being portrayed as a martyr, who does the “honourable thing”, because he's an outstanding leader and an all-round down-to-earth nice guy. “No regrets”, says he.

It would be rather easy to get sucked into the atmosphere of righteousness if one resided in a bubble, but two things in particular come to mind, aside from the fact that all he did was attend a funeral.

Firstly, let's not forget that Tom Elliott is actually a member of the Orange Order – a zealous and archaic religious institution which actually resembles a twisted type of old boys' club not too dissimilar to the club in the children's classic, Little Rascals.

Secondly, we should remember that this is the same man whose so-called brilliant leadership involves childishly branding his political opponents and their supporters as “scum” for mildly celebrating electoral success with cheers and flag-waving.

Lovely guy right? Pure martyr.

He went to the funeral of a Catholic policeman. Big deal.

Speaking in Tongues

Being woken at 4:30am by the startling sound of the bin crashing to the ground and the rubbish making its escape on the howling wind isn't comforting. I simply couldn't sleep with the prospect of the two entirely full bins littering the street, so I got up and brought them into the back garden. As I made my way into college a few hours later, I was gripped by a sense of foreboding. Angry winds swept along the road, growling and whipping at the temerity of those few who dared to brave the elements. I passed a huge tree that had been uprooted during the night and watched in awe as tree-surgeons frantically tried to remove branches and debris from the road, while needles of rain stabbed relentlessly at my eyes. As I crossed the the river the wind assumed a sense of urgency, seemingly intent on slowing me down, but I soldiered on. Talk about pathetic fallacy.

Over the Summer, I decided to undertake a Masters in Classics, feeling that the course will allow me to explore, professionally, subjects which are of great interest to me; ancient history, cultures and their lasting significance to the modern world. A concern that has emerged, however, is that I am expected to learn Latin and Ancient Greek. A daunting prospect indeed. The idea behind learning these languages, of course, makes absolute sense: if you can read ancient texts in their original language, you can make your own interpretation. Cut out the middle-man.

I studied French and German at secondary school and I excelled. I didn't particularly enjoy the study of modern languages – it didn't enthral me - but I was good at it. In fact, I was actually about to study both subjects at A-Level in St. Columb's before, on the first day of sixth-form, the snide demeanour of my French teacher put me off studying the language altogether – I can still remember the condescending look I got. I picked up Ancient History instead and the rest is, well funnily, Ancient History. The problem I have with learning languages, is that become too easily frustrated by the fact that I cannot express myself as well, so imagine the joy I felt when stumbling and stuttering over the Greek alphabet in my first class. Hence my consternation. The modules in Ancient Greek and Latin are beginner level, but learning any language requires a patience that I do not possess.

I still have to do it though and as I did through the storm winds of Hurricane Katia, sometimes you just have to put your head down and soldier on.

From Russia with... Hope.

Richard Dunne is the kind of player you want in your team. He's a fearless warrior who leads by example, inspiring his comrades to rise above their stations and his all-action performance in Moscow consolidates his position in the pantheon of Irish sporting legends. Even the great Paul McGrath has bowed in respect of his efforts. However, the result of 0-0 is ludicrously deceptive.

In a sense, the heroics of Dunne distract from the problems and limitations of the team as a whole: left back and central midfield are still headache positions. Stephen Ward, a player who many felt capable of filling the void, was caught out too often defensively and his contribution going forward was utterly abysmal - his failings forced a performance out of Aiden McGeady. Indeed, at times he made Kevin Kilbane look exceptional. In midfield, of Glenn Whelan and Keith Andrews, the latter clattered and lumbered his way about the pitch throughout the game, broadcasting his inability to time a tackle or play a decent pass. Yes, he can block a shot, but so could a dummy. As for the former, I'm not sure if he even put his foot on the ball.

Like so many Irish fans, I grew frustrated as I painfully watched the unfolding of the game on RTÉ. Darragh Maloney's meek acceptance of inferiority didn't help my frustration either, as he happily declared it a marvelous achievement to have not conceded a goal. No Darragh, that is not what Ireland should consider an achievement. Nor is stringing several passes together and creating no chances (that's right no chances) to be construed as a "bright spell". A bright spell is dominance of possession, shots on target and an achievement, in my eyes, is a win.

In the end, what Trapattoni will be judged on, is whether or not he was able to guide Ireland to the final stages of a major competition. He came close in Paris, 2009 and is doing just about enough in the current campaign. Ireland's chances of qualification have been aided considerably by the increasingly capricious nature of international football. Group B is one of the most open qualifying groups I've ever seen. Indeed, who could have predicted Slovakia defeating Russia away only for them to lose 4-0 at home to Armenia? In this regard, Trapattoni has been ridiculously lucky, but that's football. Or maybe it's all the praying he does. St Patrick helped this time, he says. Who knows?

After the dire performance which led to a draw at home to Slovakia, I forsaw a draw or a loss to Russia and an end to Ireland's qualification hopes. We saw a repeat of the performance, but luckily Richard Dunne was there to back up his talk with action. And robust action it was, enough for 11 men, but I never imagined that Slovakia would be trounced by Armenia in such a fashion at home. My cynical genes have since been softened by a spurt of cautious optimism, but Ireland still have to beat Armenia at home, which won't be as easy as some might expect. Armenia have scored 17 goals and only conceded one more than Ireland in this group. They defeated Slovakia convincingly both home and away, while Ireland only managed draws.

It's there for the taking, but remember, as they say in the business, it's a funny old game.

Why invest in chance? Russian Roulette is Overrated

The Irish always talk a good game, but the gift of the gab won't prevent defeat in Moscow. Actions speak louder than words, after all.

In the headlines, Richard Dunne solemnly promises the fans a repeat of that performance in Paris, 2009. A game which, one hastens to add, finished 1-1, with Ireland missing out on a place in the World Cup as a result. Certainly, Ireland were undeniably outstanding for most of the second leg, but crucially, with dubious circumstances aside, they simply did not do enough to progress through to the World Cup finals. "Typical Ireland", as Roy Keane would say. They lacked that killer instinct, the unremitting desire to succeed, the winning mentality.

Hold on, surely that's wrong? Isn't Giovanni Trapattoni constantly reminding us of the importance of "mentality" in his team? Trapattoni's record speaks for itself - he's won an enviable amount of accolades and trophies - but we must remember that he is not infallible and he cannot work miracles, despite his connection to Opus Dei. Indeed, he'd have you believe that the mentality of the Irish team has improved almost exponentially since he and Marco Tardelli took over; we always play to win, he says. Results beg to differ, however, and the grim truth is plain to see: Ireland struggle to win when it matters. Two draws against Slovakia and an embarrassing home defeat to Russia.

It pains me to say it, but it seems that Ireland just aren't good enough. Gone are the "Glory Days". If qualification for a major tournament eludes the wily Giovanni Trapattoni, it is probably safe to say that it will be a little while longer before it is achieved. Shay Given is one of the greatest goalkeepers of the last decade while John O'Shea and Richard Dunne are seasoned professionals with a wealth of experience behind them. Damien Duff and Aiden McGeady are players who provide that spark of creativity in midfield and Robbie Keane has scored more than his fair share of goals throughout his career. And Trapattoni has struggled to assemble a team around that formidable backbone to qualify or even stake a strong claim for qualification.

The reason for this is clear: Ireland does not possess a prodigiously talented pool of players who are desperate to play for their country. This was painstakingly showcased against Russia at home and against Slovakia at home.

Ireland must win against Russia, but it will not be an easy task. Stephen Kelly and Darren O'Dea come into the defence to replace John O'Shea and Sean St. Ledger. Trapattoni sings O'Dea's praises, "I like him. His mentality is strong and he is good in the air, so I am confident about him.", but while O'Dea might be a fearless, hard-hitting defender,  he has never performed consistently at the highest level and struggled for years to become a regular at Celtic. Irish fans will be forgiven for not sharing the confidence of Trapattoni. The sturdy defender talks a good game and declares his conviction that Ireland will, without doubt, be in Poland and Ukraine next year. After the last performance against Slovakia however, the chances of that have dropped.

While the defence has been dealt a weakening blow, the real danger area remains midfield. Throughout Trapattoni's tenure, the central midfield pairing in particular has been consistently dreadful, both creating and preventing absolutely nothing. Russia waltzed through the midfield at will when they came to Dublin, scoring 3 goals without reply, while Slovakia also ran riot in midfield, reducing Whelan and Andrews to mere spectres, chasing shadows.

If Ireland are to come away from Russia with a result, they have to back up the bravado. They have to walk the walk as well as talk the talk.